A couple of weeks ago I rolled up my sleeve and got jabbed with the Pfizer booster shot, which ought to immunize me against Covid for a long time to come. But the virus has taken a back seat as a menace to my health: less than two months ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and aggressive prostate cancer, a double whammy that’s set me back on my heels. I am 80 years old. The lesson is, one of the lessons anyway, is that if you hang around the planet long enough something is bound to go haywire; however, having beat bladder cancer recently, I did not expect two more things to go wrong at virtually the same time. Stoic philosophy, which I’ve been studying and attempting to put into practice for the past 25 years, advocates a method known as premeditato malorum, literally the “premeditation of evils.” Through this Stoic exercise, we imagine things that could be taken away from us or anything that might go amiss as a way of preparing for life’s curve balls and developing resilience in the face of uncertainties. It’s a useful practice, but it’s impossible to anticipate every evil that might befall us, and as I’ve said, I did not expect to be struck by two serious illnesses one right after the other.
That said, Stoicism has proven to be invaluable in confronting this situation. Parkinson’s, a neurological disorder that afflicts millions, is incurable, though it can be managed with a Levadopa, a medication that replaces the loss of dopamine in your system. Lots of physical exercise also helps, particularly sports that emphasize balance, like boxing workouts, and certain forms of physical therapy. I was an amateur boxer when I was young, and continued heavy bag and speed bag work, as well as shadow boxing and light sparring routines into my old age. So doing what’s necessary to combat Parkinson’s effects has not required a radical change in my lifestyle. The prostate cancer, a disease more common in men than breast cancer is among women, is another matter. Mine is a high-grade cancer, scoring a 9 on the Gleason Scale (nothing but the best for me), but it has not spread beyond the prostate. It’s currently being treated with hormone therapy; in about four months, I will undergo radiation treatments for about 5 weeks, and then an additional 18 months of hormone therapy. That deprives the cancer of testosterone, the male hormone the malignant cells feed on. It’s sometimes called “chemical castration.” As an old-fashioned guy who thinks the current trends toward gender fluidity are nonsense, the term sends chills up my spine. Not that I’ll soon be singing soprano.
I’m not giving up. I will continue doing the stuff I love to do until I’m incapable of doing it. I hike in the woods several days a week, both for the exercise and to boost my self-confidence negotiating difficult terrain. Earlier this month, I traveled to western Maine to go grouse and woodcock hunting with my English Setter, Luna; later today, I’ll be flying to to a Colorado for an elk hunt.
I have no fear of death, having faced it in Vietnam and the Middle East when I was in my 20s and early 30s, but I’d be less than candid if I did not admit that I dread becoming a helpless geezer who cannot tie his own shoe laces. On the plus side of the ledger, I have led a long, interesting, fulfilling, and productive life, and though there are a few things I would do differently if I had them to do over, I will leave it with no regrets.
My apologies if this entry in the Plague Year Journal has been more personal than the others.
those 2 afflictions are both Agent orange presumptives, glad to know you handling them well, I told my sister with P about the drugs, and I had prostate surgery. my classmate Elmo Zumwalt Jr was not as lucky. and my friend Kevin Walsh who was your comrade passed away about 2010- heart. so you came to donate $ to our Colorado economy, did you bag an elk.
Did not see an elk except for one bull the day before opening day. But it was grand to be hunting in the Rocky Mountains. I’m reminded of a poem my late father in law, an avid sailor, liked to quote: “We didn’t get a barrel of oil, and we never saw a whale. We came home as clean as we left, but we had a damn fine sail.” And we had a good old time hunting elk but never seeing them.
Well Phil, a great number of years have passed since we first met in Key West in the 7o’s . A great time to be young and for me to be surrounded by literary talent beyond count in most part thanks to Dick Duane and Herlihy.
Who can ever forget Sam Laurence for instance. I still get to see Ross Claiborne and talk to Bill Grose occasionally.
Your health journey parallels mine. Prostrate cancer free after cyber knife radiation . LVAD for 2 1/2 years then heart transplant,
Your attitude is spot on. Keep going doing what you like most. At 76, I still have the literary agency PLGB albeit in Ft Lauderdale instead of NYC.
Anyway- I’ll order a copy of your wife’s work. Best wishes you. You always were a gentleman. That is what I remember most about you. That and the way you carried your success and celebrity . Better than most.
Sincerely,
Bob Thixton
Thanks for the good words. If I play by doctors’ rules, I should be good to go for another 5 to 10, but who knows what surprises lurk just around the corner?
My father Neel and I would love to buy you a drink at the Wagon Wheel one of these days.. That or lunch at the M.O Club.. I’m sure i speak for him that we wish you all the best and a good result !
Phil 🙏 🙏 Prayers for u sir!! God loves me ,you as well !!
I am very sorry reading this
I have been an admirer of you for many years. I am also an old infantryman from the 1970’s and escaped death many times, each time just by luck, maybe a little skill or training involved but not sure. I worked as journalist for Reuters TV for 14 years and have been in wars in 6 countries while all the time based in Paris.
My best friend of 35 years who is now 66 has also been informed he has Parkinson’s disease. I have lost many friends over my lifetime, some in the army, more covering wars and others in motorcycle accidents when I was younger. Recently in the last 5 years 6 other friends have died and another 7 who have contracted serious diseases which have incapacitated them.
My mother said to me just before she died that the worst part of getting old was losing all your friends.
I wish you enjoy your life.
Amen. In the past two months, two of my closest buddies from the Marine Corps have died. I now know far more dead people than I do live ones. One generation arises, another passes away, but the Earth abides forever. Ecclesiastes.
Phil,
I am saddened by your newest post and to learn of your battles, I am, however, inspired by your courage. I would love to fish the Gorge once again with you and the push. Give Jay a call and let’s do this!
Philip,
Thanks for this very moving post. Your attitude and active life must surely be an antidotes to old age and disease! You’ve survived wars and Covid and the Trump administration– I feel I’ll be reading your posts far into the future.
Best of luck, Rich Nichols, Montville NJ
Phil. hope you beat the cancer
Rumor of War,.best Vietnam war memoir written.. should be required reading in history classes about the war. In the tv movie version, Robert Deniro or Al Pacino should have played you.
So sorry to hear that. But you are a fighter and that surely help sslow down the degrading process. Enjoy your present days.
Nicole ( one of your French readers)
Sad that your remaining years will be marred by such ailments. With your attitude and philosophy I know you will get the most joy possible as things progress.
I have some friends with one or both of your serious issues. I know most are doing very well, but with many annoying life adjustments.
I will say a prayer or 2 for you though you seem to have lost much of your religiosity.
As Penn Gillette, a famous atheist once remarked when asked a” do these religious people who give you bibles and pray for your soul annoy you?”
No if they did not believe so fervently, I would doubt their faith was real.
As a Fenwick and DI grad, I wish you a king full, healthy life and recovery.
But, I’ll still say a prayer or 2.